Crack is Whack

Washington, D.C.

I live in Washington and let me tell you, the city has really gone down the drain in recent years. I used to be able to walk late at night without much worry, now I get a bit paranoid whenever I’m outside my house past seven. Call me a pussy or whatever, but the truth is that things aren’t the same anymore.

The reason why I sound so spiteful is that I was a victim of the city’s changes. I always enjoyed jogging to stay in shape and catch some fresh air. My favorite time of the day to do this was at dawn. I would usually stick to the parts of town I know and never stray too far from home, but that night was different. I decided to go further and see how things looked on foot rather than as a set of blurry buildings from my car.

I was really enjoying myself to the point where I might have gone a little too far, I ended up going a couple miles away from home, on foot. I thought it would be simple enough to walk back, but my body said otherwise. I had already hit my wall while jogging and I was reduced to a slow walk back home, it was during this walk that I came across the most colorful aspect of my city.

A man ran up to me with a switch-blade, he simply put it under my throat and said “Give me your money or I’ll fuck you up!” I looked around my pockets for whatever I had, thinking it wouldn’t be enough. I never carried a wallet when I went jogging and my money came down to a standard cab fare in case I needed. He just took it and ran away, I thought I had gotten lucky to make it out alive so I forced myself to walk faster to my home.

My idea of a safe area was completely shattered that day, I wasn’t even four miles away from home and I got robbed. I thought it would be better to just sit down and call someone to come pick me up, that was a bad idea.

This jittery mess of a man came out of nowhere as soon as I pulled out my cell phone. He ripped it from my hand saying “Give me that shit!” He started fiddling with it while yelling into the receiver and casually walked away.

I had never been mugged in my life, making it so that night was a record breaker. Not only had my life been threatened and my phone stolen, but I also hurt myself running the last leg towards safety. I can no longer go out at night without thinking someone’s going to get me so close to my own home. The city is still nice and I try to drive wherever I go but going on foot stopped being an option, just like wearing skinny jeans now that my body lost the only exercise keeping my gut in check.

Walk of Shame

Goodwell, Oklahoma

Have you ever found yourself in that situation where you can’t find a way to leave in the morning? Girls love calling guys out on it, but the truth is that we do it too. Sometimes you just want some fun without commitment, no strings attached and what not. I think it doesn’t sound that bad when a girl admits to doing as much in this day and age.

I sure had a few rough mornings when I either met a clingy guy, or one that stormed taking a little “souvenir” with him. I once had a guy over who stole my lamp for some reason, so after that incident I try and get them to go to their place or avoid the “sleeping in” scenario. What can I say? I’m not looking for prince charming right now, I just want to roll around in the sheets and have a good time.

And that’s exactly what I got from a guy I picked up at a concert. It was at a small indie gig from a guy I know, so it’s still technically a concert. Anyways, my original intention for the night was to go with him once the event was over since he’s in a band and has good looks. Too bad for him that he plays the bass, because really, who goes out with the bass player? All jokes aside, I couldn’t shake this other guy off, in the best possible way. He was what you could call “heavy set” but I don’t discriminate, he was fun, kinda pretty for a guy and he had the right attitude.

We had a quick smoke outside over a bit of small talk. He was confident enough in his ability to please and I was more than willing to give him a chance, not because I’m easy but because he did everything right. So right in fact, that that we ended making out on his couch during a hot and heavy session of petting.

Things eventually led us to the bedroom, he proved himself to be a good lay. Nothing extraordinary but more than what you could hope from his looks, he was also diligent enough to point out where the keys were so I could leave when I wanted. At least I would have if not for what happened the next morning.

See, I like doing some kinky stuff during my “performance” one such trick involves throwing my clothes around. I’m so good at it that I apparently threw my shirt and bra off the window, so I only had my pants. I figured it would kill the mood to stop halfway through to pick ‘em up, so I left them out, only for who knows what pervert to take them from his front lawn by the time we woke up.

I’ve worn men’s shirts on my way back home before, but his were so large that they screamed “I boned a fat guy”, plus they were all band shirts so not only were they ill-fitting but they stood out in. This wasn’t a problem, though; the big one came with the fact that I no longer had a bra, so I was a jiggle mess on my way out. The “short walk” to pick up a bus to go back home became an embarrassing parade of stares from his neighbors and a couple people on the streets. What made this all so memorable, was that I had the luck to have a guy bumping into me on the ride “To see them bounce, girl!” and no one cared to stop him, not even me.

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