Random Stories

Bone Night

Lake City, South Dakota

This is a memory from a few years ago, but one that I won’t certainly forget, it’s not a good story, though, that’s for sure. It was the night that almost every girl in high school looks forward to, I was no exception to the rule despite my attitude towards most parties. This was due to the fact that my best friend and I had finally become a couple a few weeks before prom, so we would be going together rather than sit at home to watch TV or play video games.

What made the night more special was that we had a promise, we were both virgins at the time and agreed that we could give it a try after prom at my place. Needless to say I was nervous, not only because of the “first time” deal but because I was wearing a dress to prom and it would be the first time my boyfriend had ever seen me in one.

He went for the cheesiest looking suit and hair-do, even going as far as to buy some flowers. My mom thought he was charming, but she didn’t hear him talking about how we would have the best time ever. He was sweating bullets and talking non-sense for most of the drive there, but he kept his cool in front of his buddies. We were a tight circle of friends so it was fine for me to see him ask for advice from his close guy friends, I tried to do the same with my sister so I saw where he was coming from.

The prom itself was fairly boring to say the least, we danced only one slow piece and that was on account of a simple fact. My boyfriend spent most of the dance awkwardly poking me with his boner, it wouldn’t go away so he didn’t let go for any reason. “I don’t want anyone to see it, please!” that’s what he kept saying as he poked my leg and thigh, you see, he was smart enough not to wear any underwear “In order to save time when it counts baby” so he was free balling it across the dance floor.

I spent most of my prom night standing in front of him until he could calm down, which was a momentary respite at best, since any cleavage or even looking at me would get him going. It was funny at first, but having him go like a dimming light for two hours really killed any mood I’ve might have been in for the night.
A part of me saw it as a light hearted moment to take away from the stress, but for the most part it was simply awful. We finally got into his car and headed to my place, we cuddled and kissed a bit like we normally did, but we knew this was special. Tonight was going to be different and the both of us would change as friends, as a couple and as young adults.
Or at least we would have if he could get it up, the second I felt ready and prepared myself to be more than a girl he simply wasn’t up for the task. We tried different things but the whole situation was so awkward that we left it at that.

We decided to sleep together in the nude to at least do something romantic, at least until my dad showed up in the morning due to my sister blurting out that we would be sneaking into my room. She’s not much of a talker, specially over breakfast but you want to know what the worst part was? My boyfriend had a case of morning wood.

Pain Ball

Columbus, Ohio

Playing with friends is awesome, even more so when what you play is Paint Ball! My group of friends and I like to do a bi-weekly game of paint ball after classes, it’s a good work out and it helps to let off some steam. Our passion for the game grew to a point where we bought our own gear; we stopped using rentals and began building our own little battlefield.

We eventually found a dilapidated building where we could play, even at night. It was a bit creepy and dangerous, we did try our best to cover up a few holes and even set what areas we could play in without much worry. It was fun to take cover around the pillars of the structure and a few barricades we made out of wood.

No one really came by, and the place was isolated enough that we could be as loud as we wanted without calling for attention. We even thought of holding matches with some of the other guys from the field we used to play in, but common sense said otherwise. I guess most of us knew the broken down building had to someone’s property. Adding more people to the felony list wasn’t going to help; besides this was our thing.

The building had its downside, just like any good thing does. It seemed like it was used to hold raves or it was used like a motel by hobos. We had to clear a few pieces of debris a few time, some assholes apparently took to smashing the walls and anything left inside the building with a sledge hammer, which was the case with our barricades. Rebuilding and cleaning the place became a small hobby, but damn it this place was ours!

One night we started playing around with a pair of night vision goggles, we made a deal not to shoot the guy wearing them to avoid any accidents. We took turns using them and played a little game, no one but the guy with the goggles was allowed to shoot. The idea was that whoever remained hidden in the building without being hit would win.

I was winning so far, but I had to move out from my hiding place. I made a dash to a new hiding spot once “the hunter” turned around, I tripped and he turned back quickly. He fired blindly…straight into my crotch.

It stung so badly I was reduced to tears in seconds, he shot me from a short distance so the impact was dead on. My friends carried me like a woman in labor onto the back of a car since I couldn’t walk. Our kick ass night turned into a short stay at the hospital, followed by lots of snickering as I iced my swollen testicle.

The guys stayed over since they felt guilty, but I knew they just wanted to enjoy the kick they got out of my misfortune. I guess it can all be summed up by the way one of them put it, “Last night was a ball!” Indeed, thanks for the shattered hopes of parenthood.

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