I was out with my friends on a quest for pizza and brew, it was game night and we needed our fuel. We went to the usual place and bought our share of the four biggest pizzas we could find and stopped for beer. Sweet, ice cold joy in a can! We got back to our home for the night and began setting up the games.
We like playing games that host local multiplayer so we can throw a lan party of sorts. We started doing it way back in the 90’s with Quake and Doom. Nowadays we tend to pick any games that really catch our attention. We say this habit keeps our youth alive, though it might very well be killing us slowly for what we saw on this fateful night.
We know that we are not kids anymore. We are well into our 30’s, have jobs, families and receding hairlines. But we still like to get together every couple of weeks and celebrate life by being immature. “You are only as old as you feel!” Was our line for the wife, and that night I’m pretty sure we all felt about a hundred years old.
Pizza is a funny thing. You can eat it without much of a hassle, tastes great and it’s also as unhealthy as asbestos depending on the place you get it from. We had been eating pizza, Doritos and beer all night until around three in the morning when it hit me. I really had to use the bathroom. I told the guys I would be right back and headed in, only to find myself in one of the worst moments of my life.
I couldn’t go. Saying that I was constipated would be cutting it short. I felt like I really had to go but couldn’t and the pressure was killing me. I was just like a balloon with too much air and I wouldn’t pop. Pushing and struggling was almost as painful but I had to get it over with, so I took a deep breath and went for it.
Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the details and simply say I screamed like there was a murderer in the bathroom with me. My friends rushed in to find me whimpering on the toilet, but rather than laugh they just looked at me like an epiphany. We all ate the same pizza, we are all unhealthy and this was just a matter of time for each one of them.
A fun night of gaming ended up with me visiting a doctor’s office in shame, only to be told “You are not as young as you used to be.” I still cringe whenever my wife and kids want to order pizza, even if it wasn’t necessarily the pizza’s fault.
Game night didn’t come to an end with my accident, though. It only became a bit healthier since we cut back on the junk food. My friends took to jokingly saying that it was the night we lost our innocence, in more ways than one.