I had one of those nights, the ones that go by an awesome blur intersected with flashes of a couple hot chicks and drinks with friends. It would have been the best night ever, save for the fact that I woke up on a bathroom floor feeling like I got ran over by a car, maybe even a truck. This wouldn’t have been unusual, there I was feeling like shit with my face planted firmly to the bathroom tile next to the toilet like many other times.
What was different, though, was the fact that someone had thought it would be funny to handcuff me to the plumbing. I of course tried to rip it from the wall like some sort of action hero, only managing to screw up my wrist and cause an annoying water leak. The water was cold enough to wake me up a bit and help me realize how much of a pussy I am. So I guess that was a plus.
I began thinking a bit more clearly and called for my friends, truth be told I had no clue where the hell this bathroom was. It looked nice enough to be a hotel bathroom, so the thought of paying for new plumbing meant that pulling on the pipes a bit more was not an option. I started to freak out a bit, not knowing where I was.
My thought process became something like this “What if I got kidnapped?” “Where are my friends?” and lastly “My friends are dicks.” The bathroom was getting flooded, so whoever left me here would know I was awake now.
Looking through the bathroom I realized that my phone and a note-pad had been left on top of the sink, I reached for it causing my phone fall to the floor causing the screen to shatter. I started getting frustrated and freaked out severely until I reached the note-pad. It had a small, obviously drunkenly written note on the front page that one of my friends had left for me.
“We’ll be back at 2, enjoy the pictures bitch!”
I turned on my phone and there it was, several pictures of my “friends” tattoing dicks on every inch of my body, with one of them going as far as to tea bag me. They came by a couple hours later, laughed it up and made me pay the bills for the damages cause to the room.
I ended up signing a check at a hotel lobby with a fucked up wrist, completely covered in doodles of all the possible shapes and sizes of dicks. All while being soaking wet with a busted cell phone.